To the tailgater behind me

Copyright © 2011 Bob Persons
August 18, 2011

Yes, I see you in my mirror. And I can see you're impatient with my speed and you can't pass me. Wait a sec, let me check. Uh, yes, my speedometer says 25 and the last posted sign said "SPEED LIMIT 25 MPH". But you are eager to break the laws - not only speeding, but the one about tailgating. I suppose you are late getting to work, or to your doctor, or you're carrying a pregnant woman to the birthing place. Let me see how I can accommodate you.

But you know, with you behind me I can't tell just what speed you would like to go. So why don't you just come a bit closer and kiss my ass? Put your nose right in my exhaust. Come a bit more and lock your bumper onto mine. Then you can push me up to the speed you like, then let me go. I'll keep an eye on my speedometer so I know what speed to maintain. Then you can just lean back in comfort until we reach the stop sign 2 blocks ahead, whereupon you can readily pass me because the street widens out.

And, hey, for the future, to avoid the pain of having to follow this old fart in a Prius at a pitifully slow speed, just give me this signal with your horn -

boop boop boop BLAP BLAP boop boop

- and I will happily move up to the speed I now know you like. This will save you 3 or 4 seconds on your driving time (which, by the way, will be entirely eaten up at the next red stop light you encounter, but don't let me judge your motives or philosophy of life).

Well, I see that you are not going to take me up on my offer, preferring to stew in your chair for the 45 seconds it takes us to get to the stop sign. Too bad. We will just be going through all this again tomorrow morning, and each time you will lose 3 or 4 seconds (again, entirely eaten up at the next red stop light you encounter).

Well, here we are at the stop sign, where the street widens. I see you are taking the opportunity to pass me, but why the finger? I tried so hard to accommodate you now and in the future, and you ignored the offer. And you treat me like this? Life in the city is compromising with your fellows, my friend, and that requires communication. Well, don't expect me to be so accommodating in the future, when you communicate so rudely and ineffectually.

See you at the red stop light.

- Lone Coyote Calls

Way out in the wilderness
a Lone Coyote Calls.
Your eyes fix on the shotgun
that's a-hangin' on the wall.

            - B Dylan


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