The RealConstitution Corporation (RealCon) announced yesterday that its board of directors, in league with its marketing board, approved the latest amendment - number 149 - to the Constitution of the United States of America.
"Henceforth," declared the board, "all commercial enterprises in these fifty states shall be protected from lawsuits of any kind, be they initiated by the populace, by the government, or by any other agency inimical to big business."
Jeremy Jakeson, president of the board stated that this amendment, sought by commercial enterprises, is long overdue, and will greatly enhance the economic climate of the country and its competitive stance in the world's economy.
The Constitution of the United States of America was acquired by RealCon for 40 million dollars in a hostile takeover of the American government early in 2006. RealCon immediately activated plans it had to renovate the work ("bringing it up to date in the twenty-first century") and protect its contents from illegal copying and distribution.
In the 13 months since then, royalties paid to the company for use of its document have quadrupled, and this upward trend is expected to continue for an unforeseeable future.
Mr Jakeson claims that the company is constantly working on improving the document, which originated as a replacement for the Articles of Confederation in 1787. For two and one-fourth centuries it remained in the public domain. "This provided no opportunity for enhancement, for making it appealing to the modern American mind." The company has hired thousands of copy writers to edit, add, and delete sections with the goal of "giving Americans the best possible Constitution that money can buy."
Among the many enhancements to the venerable work are:
- Lone Coyote Calls
|Lonesome Coyote's home page|
Way out in the wilderness
a Lone Coyote Calls.
Your eyes fix on the shotgun
that's a-hangin' on the wall.
- B Dylan