March 20, 2003
© PERSONal News Service

Bush Adds France to Axis

President Bush today added a fourth member to the so-called "Axis of Evil" - former ally France, citing that country's failure to support the United States' aggression in Iraq. 

"I have said it before. I'll say it again," he said. "If you're not with us in this just fight against terror, then you are against us. This town ain't big enough for the both of us. My finger is on the trigger and it's itching mighty fierce." 

France's President Chirac shrugged his shoulders at the news and said, "We must of course, take some time to assess zees seet-you-ay-see-on. But it appears zee leetle prrez-ee-dahnt of zee United States has beeten off a chonk of French gruyère that he just might choke on." 

Mr. Bush also said, "What gives France the right to think for itself when so much is at stake? And by the way, when I speak of France, I also mean to include its drinking buddies in the United Nations. 

"This Axis of Evil - North Korea, Iran, Iraq, and now France and the United Nations - presents a severe threat to the peace and security of every nation in the world - except, of course, North Korea, Iran, Iraq, France, and the United Nations - and must be contained, by force if necessary." 

When asked if this meant there was no hope for France to remain our ally, Mr. Bush responded, "France has been given more than enough time to arm itself in this fight. There can be no more delays in making it abide by the wishes of the world in this respect. If France does not arm itself now, it will suffer serious consequences." 

Asked if either of his two daughters would serve in this fight against terrorism, Mr. Bush retorted, "And have them subjected to the lewd and lascivious behavior of the French evil doers? No way." Then he turned on his heel and walked along the red carpet back to his office in the White House.

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