Fresh from Congress' authorization to use force to "rout out the evil of terrorism" anywhere in the world "before it bites us in the butt," President Bush declared his intent to mount a military campaign against the United States of America.
"It is time for a change of regime in that country," he said. "The victims of the September 11 terrorist attacks want it. The people of the United States want it. The world wants it." He alluded to adding a fourth member to his celebrated "evil empire" with this statement: "We must tolerate no longer the threat that the American Congress poses to the peace and security of the world."
Asked why he hasn't requested the United Nations to step in, Mr. Bush cited America's callous snubbing of several recent world efforts. Among them:
"We know the American Congress will not cooperate. It has not cooperated in the past. It hedges its bets when it knows it's in the wrong. It hides whatever it can from the scrutiny of the world."
In his lengthy statement Mr. Bush presented a laundry list of atrocities the United States regime has committed against its own people. Among them:
Building his case, Mr. Bush cited atrocities committed against other nations. Among them:
Astonishingly, he also implicated the American government in the deaths of a number of key figures in the 1960s and 1970s.
President John F. Kennedy
Attorney General Bobby Kenedy
Martin Luther King
George Lincoln Rockwell
The above mentioned Black Panther Party members.
Commenting on his inclusion of Jimmy Hoffa, whose body has never been found, Mr. Bush appeared certain that the American government had murdered him. He referred to another "Jimmy" - Jimi Hendrix - as a "sweet dude with a screaming guitar."
Next, Mr. Bush presented evidence that the United States is rebuilding its nuclear arsenal under the nose of the United Nations. He cited recent satellite photos showing a flurry of activity in the Yucca Mountain area of Nevada, in the western part of the USA. "These photos clearly show movement of nuclear materials. The Americans' claim that only waste from nuclear reactors will be stored there strains credulity, when you consider the vast number of missile silos that were built in secret during the Cold War and were dismantled only after a global outcry and exchange of weapons inspectors with Russia."
When asked how a war with America would be funded, considering the state of the economy and the fact that the US was already fighting two wars - on terrorism and in Iraq, Mr. Bush seemed unconcerned. He waved his hand and said something about tobacco money and big tax cuts. He ignored a questioning comment that this presented an interesting conundrum, in that the the American Congress would be asked to fund its own demise.
Summing up, the President vowed to work with anti-government groups inside the USA to oust the current regime and replace it with one that would bring peace and security to the land. He said he fully supported the mounting grass-roots effort to impeach the president (ignoring questions about how that would affect him, prompting some wags to suppose Mr. Bush was unconcerned because he was planning to install himself as dictator anyway).
He also said he had no problem with the American people and was sad to know that many of them would be hurt by an attack. But that would not dissuade him. "We will fight in the streets of Washington if we have to, but the evil will be rooted out before it can be used against us." After a thoughtful nod of his head, he added extemporaneously, "Gosh, you know, while we're at it, we might as well go after those nations who refused to support our efforts on removing the terrorist regime from Iraq."
It was pointed out several times that the President himself, or other key figures in the Republican Party, had advocated and perpetrated several of the "crimes" he railed against. Mr. Bush had no comment.
Pressed by more questions, Mr. Bush smiled and waved his hand and said, "Thank you. You've all been very nice. But now I have some fences of my own to mend, on my ranch."
- Lone Coyote Calls
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Way out in the wilderness
a Lone Coyote Calls.
Your eyes fix on the shotgun
that's a-hangin' on the wall.
- B Dylan