I Hear You, Ted

Yes, I could have been the one to lure poor kids to a pizza party + baptize them after a 2-hour sermon (WSJ 961228 p 6C). "Salvation by subterfuge." Because my militant righteousness logically led to forcing them to do right, even if it meant using lies, trickery, deceit, + coercion.

Yes, I could have succumbed to the mind-numbing rhetoric of the Way, just as Carol did. I was disgusted with the false piety I saw around me in the church. I was disgusted with my own shortcomings. I was lonely - even lonely with the thought of a God who loved me. I was feeling useless, to myself + others, a burden, a nut in a meat grinder. I could have welcomed those people with open arms into my heart + soul, as they welcomed me with open arms into their padded den.

Yes, I could have planted little wake-up bombs in the offices of government officials. I could have raged like Jeremiah over the cities. I could have gathered my followers around me + fed them KoolAid while haranguing them on the evil ones + their ways. I could have stood on my porch, shotgun in hand, daring the sheriff to just cross that line + take my dog! I could have built a pyre of the bodies of my loved ones (few) + myself, a final statement to a stupid society + a fucked-up world.

I could have stood up in a crowded bus + preached my gospel - a curious mix of love for humans + hate for human groups.

I could have been the one to save my people from the alien invasion, only to chain them to my philosophies with an iron hand.

I could have wrapped the new-born baby in a garbage bag with a twist tie + dumped it in the can. Then rage about injustice + hang myself in my cell. I could have carved up bodies, given the orders to napalm a village, pulled the pin on the hand grenade that blows up the world.

970605.1555. 'fucked-up world' - Fucked up human world, that is; not the planet.

I hear you, Ted Kaczinski. I hear you, Lieutenant Cally, Chuck Manson, Tim McVeigh, Jim Jones. I've been in your heads, Ruby Ridge casualties, David Koresh, and Heaven's Gate travellers.

- Lone Coyote Calls